This week I’m running coaching workshops and energy treatments at my best friend Kelly Rennie’s Busy MumsRetreat in Queensland.
The venue is AMAZEBALLS (check it out here) and for a few days these 12 amazing mums are being treated to massages, spa, sauna, swimming, beach time, mindset workshops, healthy food and workouts.
The next workshop is in March – email email@example.com for more info or check out her website https://busymumfitness.com.
So many of these gorgeous ladies have mother’s guilt coming up a lot during their time away from their kids – and for some it’s their first time away from them ever.
These ladies give everything they have to their hubbies and kids and often leave nothing in the tank for themselves.
Yesterday I was running a workshop about coping skills and resilience and the topic came up about feeling like the house constantly needs to be spotlessly clean.
One Mum said she spends at least 7 hours a week cleaning. I asked her what else she could do with that time if she had a cleaner and didn’t need to clean herself.
The first 3 things she said were all about doing things for her kids and hubby like cooking. I had to ask her a few times what else she could do before letting her know what I was really asking was what could she do for HERSELF.
When I asked the ladies what resilience meant to them, one said it meant holding everything together.
The danger is that by trying constantly to “hold everything together” at some point the pressure causes an explosion.
This can lead to burnout, illness, anxiety, depression and relationship issues.
Why does it take being at your wits end to do something nice for yourself as a busy mum?
Lots of Mums feel like they need to be some kind of superhero – Supermum.
That’s sooo much pressure to put yourself under and leads to mother’s guilt.
Mother’s guilt leads to never feeling good enough even when you’re doing your best.
The reality is your best today may be different from your best tomorrow.
Your best on 8 hour sleep is different from your best on 2 hours sleep.
And that’s ok. You have to let that be ok and step into a place of acceptance.
“Before I had kids, I would feel guilty about something every now and again, but since having children I haven’t stopped feeling guilty.”
When you constantly put the needs of your child first, it can feel like any time you prioritise yourself is at the expense of your child’s needs.
But like they say on airplanes – put your own gas mask on first.
If you’re constantly giving away all your time and energy to others, you leave nothing in the tank for yourself.
When you come from a place of prioritising your own needs as well as those of your family, you bring forward the best version of yourself and so your family also benefits.
“I realised how crazy this all was when I felt guilty for not cleaning the house while I spent time with my baby, then felt guilty because I cleaned the house and didn’t spend time with my baby. I couldn’t win – the guilt was there either way.”
Letting go of the guilt is all about keeping things in perspective, as well as getting to a place of acceptance.
Nobody gives a shit if there are toys on the floor when they visit you. They won’t notice if you haven’t cleaned the loo that morning.
Nobody on their deathbed ever says “I wish I’d cleaned the house more.”
What they do say is “I wish I’d taken better care of myself and didn’t sweat the small stuff.”
Make sure the expectations you put on yourself are realistic. You don’t have to be Supermum and do everything perfectly.
Your kids already think you’re Supermum.
Nobody is perfect – trying to achieve perfection is setting yourself up to fail.
Where have the standards you’ve set for yourself come from?
I often find with my coaching clients that they stem from deep seated limiting beliefs formed early on in childhood.
Think about what’s really important to you.
Does it include being healthy, fit and happy? Do you want to become a better version of yourself?
Then you NEED to start putting your happiness first. By being the best version of yourself you’re bringing your A Game to your family and they’ll love you for it.
Try to avoid comparing yourself to other mums – it’s easy to feel like everyone else has their shit together (especially with social media) but the reality is that nobody does.
Nobody is perfect and it’s also important for us to show our kids the reality and not the idealistic vision we have in our heads.
Where can you relax on yourself a little today?
What can you accept and surrender?
How can you be kinder to yourself?
How will you start prioritising yourself?
Go to www.coachcarly.com and enter your email address in the pop up box to grab my free download, 18 Ways to Feel Better NOW, for some ideas.
Shout out to all the Busy Mums out there!